Pease take note, at the time of this writing I was a fervent, zealot practicing Catholic. Embracing pre-Vatican practices such as the Latin mass, Holy communion, and weekly confessions, just to name a few examples.
Tuesday January 8, 2003
Your Holiness Pope John Paul II,
I trust that this letter finds you in the loving arms of Christ.
God has inspired me to write to you today. I have desired to do so for some time, yet I have been unable to, due to my spiritual illness.
My intention in writing today is to give you my personal testimony and to display how my experience may assist our beloved Catholic Church in serving the followers to a greater intimacy with Christ.
God has blessed me in immeasurable ways even though I have not always remained obedient to His Divine Will. In a day in which “free will” is so rampant in our world, I long for the desire to only fulfill His chosen destiny for me as a Christian. No words can describe the depths to which I desire to know Him as my Lord, Master and Savior. May the amazing Grace of Jesus Christ, the extravagant love of God, and the intimate friendship of the Holy Spirit be with this writing and be with you, Your Holiness.
The road that I have travelled has been long; it has taken me years to desire His truth. Your Holiness, please be patient as I reiterate important details of my life in order to give you a full perspective on my dealings with our Church. and prayer for those women who have been involved with any New Age practices.
I am Canadian and lived for the first 20 years of my life in a small Ontario town. In my late teenage years, I moved to Toronto and resided there for 18 years. I fell away from the Church for 15 years after moving to Toronto. I am one of six children raised in a Catholic family.
In reflection, my spiritual life was highly affected by Vatican II in the late sixties. The spiritual teachings and disciplines that I experienced within the Catholic school that I attended were minimal and did not address the very heart of Catholic “old” Catechism teachings, pre-Vatican II. Even though my parents were devout Catholics and our family did attend mass every Sunday; there were no close, intimate connections with the wonders of a loving Christ.
I suffered from emotional neglect in our family home; even though my parents did their very best. Things fell through the cracks. They were strong role models in our community, but they too were a product of their environment. My dear parents were young children in the depression and then teenagers in World War II; their upbringing was challenging. When the move to Toronto happened, I was running, truly in denial of what had occurred in my earlier life. Most of my motivated actions were unconscious, and it was not until 8 years after I left home that I consciously began to realize the forms of neglect that was present in my childhood home. I have come to terms with issues and have learnt to compassionately, deeply forgive, praying and trusting in the salvation for my entire family.
I did turn to the church but received little help there. I spent many years in periodic therapy trying to sort out a good degree of the abuse. Unfortunately, I was a victim of my past and continued to make big errors in my sinfulness. I was damaged by participating in what Your Holiness refers to as “Cultural Death”; after all it was the 1960’s and 1970’s. It seemed that the more that I tried to resolve my past hurts, the more that I created havoc in my life. I was living a lie without Christ and desperately searching for peace in all the wrong places.
By the mid-1980’s, the ‘new age’ movement was very big in Toronto and entwined itself around the ‘holistic’ lifestyle that I had sought. I inadvertently began experimenting with the “new age” movement. After subsequent visits to various new age healers, I came across some pretty charismatic yet evil people who had a disguise of being good, loving humans. Their mask was to talk of God and love to a great degree. Little did I know that their ‘god’ was Satan. I was being led down a dark path, and I had no idea of where it led. If I had known their true motivations I would have severed all ties. I moved through this circle off and on for 10 years. Due to an extreme lack of discernment, I was led astray to the point where I was severely attacked by a satanic force that has now plagued me daily for over six years. The details of how this could have possibly happened are very intense and, to many, preposterously unbelievable.
Five years ago, I sincerely surrendered to Our Lord. I have made countless attempts within the church to receive relief from the barrage of attacks that have severely hindered me from living my life to its fullest. There have been 18 church authorities – including two Bishops, three exorcists and many priests – with whom I have communicated in hopes of receiving the help that I desperately needed to break the satanic grip.
Your Holiness, I was so very saddened by the lack of support that I received from my beloved Church. Most of the Church authorities ignored me. Others belittled me: I was told that my problem was not as hazardous as I made it out to be. I was told that I was insane. Others gave vague advice and prayer. Only one priest made any attempt to help by offering a deliverance/exorcism. His novice intent was true but his passion to truly serve dissipated tremendously after only a short while. I was broken by the lack of support and compassion.
I love my Catholic Church and will not leave this Christ establishment. However, I must admit that the administration has failed the flock tremendously. I weep for our Church.
We are a truly spiritually powerful faith; since Vatican II our Priest, our Soldiers of Christ, have not been trained in exorcism. Your Holiness, why is our establishment not warring against the evil one as we once did? I beg for your mercy; I speak out for all individuals who are like myself.
It has taken me 5 years to find a Christian ministry that is willing to help me. I have received great benefit from my past year with them, yet I am still not free. I had to leave our Church to find the loving support that I needed. These two Christian counselors have stated that one-third of their clients are Catholic. They, too, have experienced all that I experienced with our Church’s administration.
I have reviewed the past 20 years of my sinful actions in hopes to close the doorways to the demonic that I opened while in my youth. As time has passed, the attacks by nature are not as severe, but I still suffer from physical, auditory and visual expressions of Satanic ’will’ superimposed upon my psyche.
Some time ago, I read the book ‘An exorcist tells his story’ written by the Chief Exorcist of Rome. I was shocked to realize that for most of the past six years, I was functioning at the sixth level of possession. According to the author, this is the most severe level, the next level being full possession of one’s soul by Satan. The demons had a foothold when I suffered from demonic legions attacking me 24 hours a day. With constant prayer, after attending mass daily, I would sit in my local church and pray 2-4 hours a day. As well I went to confession at least three to four times per month, the attacks did not subside. During this period, I do remember going to mass daily and having active interactions with a priest who refused to help in any way, even though he knew my heart, he made claims of my ‘mental instability’. The pain that this priest caused and many other priests caused was immeasurable.
In fact, it was only when I began working one year ago with this Christian group that I was granted grace and great freedom with Our Lord’s presence. I stand firm on this reclaimed ground. In the past, it was not uncommon for me to remain in prayer for three to six hours during the night before ever feeling break in the attacks. I cannot describe the exhaustion that I have experienced on a soul level. I am a zealot on fire for Our Lord. As I heal, there is a renewed passion to fight the good fight on a soul level — emotionally, mindfully and willfully.
My therapist has confirmed that I was ‘not safe’ and needed assistance to obtain freedom. They have felt nothing but compassion for my situation and the toll it has taken on me. They have guided me to embrace the Holy Spirit. Their giving sincerely humbles me.
God has blessed me with two beautiful daughters; they are now 15 and 9 years of age. My children are treasures from heaven amongst all of this harshness. They are good soldiers of God and do their very best to stay mindful of God’s Will. Unfortunately, they too, are attacked to varying degrees.
Just one example; my youngest child saw visions of a demon attacking her and telling her to go with him, slashing at her body and trying to cause her great fear and harm. Both of my children are true saints for what they have endured due to my sinful illness. I have told them the story of Padre Pio, and I hope that they understand the Church’s present position. Our diocese exorcist’s priests knew pertinent details of what my children were living through, and no one came to their aid. They were little children, and we all needed spiritual help.
When I lived in Toronto, I was a successful publicist and was fortunate to promote top events of 50-60,000 people. In the past, I have event coordinated my own Christian events, such as John Michael Talbot concerts. The diocese hired me to promote and produce a youth video for a 50,000-youth event. I was also privileged to speak to thousands of Catholic students about staying strong in their faith. It has been only recently that I have been able to begin to work and function with a low level of productivity. The financial toll of this demonic experience has been unbearable. Yet I have no other choice except to try to march forward.
It was my desire to be freed in my Church, not outside of her loving arms. At this point in time, I do not know if that will happen. Suffering is a great test of physical and spiritual value. I know that good conquer evil within my entire being. I continue to offer up all my sufferings for the convergences of all sinners and to release all souls in purgatory, knowing that my suffering is not in vain. It is in the crushing that my Godly character is being formed. I am willing to be a servant of God; no matter what state I am in. Even in my suffering, He can use me for the good of mankind.
Your Holiness, you are a spirit filled man, and I believe strongly in your teachings. I believe that you are truly the most powerful spiritual world leader today.
Many Catholic and non-Catholics alike, have embraced this view. I pray for your sincere guidance. I am asking that you make the necessary changes within the Church administration to fully support people like myself. I know more than anyone the cost of not remaining obedient, I am here to serve as an example to others. I have been martyred by my own sinfulness. Yet the question remains, will the Church I love listen to my inner cry?
I am a Lamb. Jesus is holding my destiny in His Hands. Will my Catholic faith be part of this transformation, or will it turn me away once again? We live in spiritually nefarious times. The service I am asking for is so needed today in our Church and in the world as a whole. I pray that the Catholic Church steps up to the plate and hits a home run for world peace via the avenues of Deliverance and Exorcism; through a systematized method, made accessible to all members of our faith. May the Catholic Church lead in creating the set of blueprints for other Churches to follow.
I have a vision of this blueprint, even as I write. God is blessing me, and I would be humbled to share it with you. Deliverance is key to the salvation of this world. My vision – the Catholic Church breaks the bonds of demonic strongholds and experiences a freedom of the ‘early Church’ as exemplified in the Book of Acts.
The enemy has been motivated to destroy me not for who I am in my flesh but for who I am in Christ. My Godly’ Christ calling’ is pertinent to this time in history. The Holy Trinity has intended me to march to God’s calling; it is too big for Satan to handle. The evil one won’t just let me slip by without the fight of my life; my eternal existence is on the line here.
I close with the last words I heard from dear Father John Hardon’s lips: “May God Love You”. Your Holiness, thank you for your attention and I look forward to your anticipated attention. I humbly request your response.
Sincerely, Andrea Bourdeau
I wrote this letter to Pope John Paul II in 2003 it is now 2014. I am still plagued by the demoniac. Pope John Paul II did respond to my request and suggested that I contact the bishop in my diocese. At the time, I could not deal with the rejection from the Church I sincerely loved. I was pushed aside. After John Paul II death, I did go to see my diocese bishop and he was prepared to help to a certain degree. I needed ongoing spiritual assistance over a long-term period, that was never offered.
2025 Update: God have mercy upon the leaders of the Catholic Church; many have been deceived and acceptant of worldly religions and are leading many Catholic lambs to the slaughterhouse. Many are falling into hell like snowflakes. God help us all in these final end days.
Thank you so much for sharing this. Very deep.
Thank you my dear! God bless you!